CEREMONIAL AVAILABILITY / OPEN
FATHER L. ROD IS AVAILABLE FOR SELECT CEREMONIAL APPEARANCES.
Not a speaker. Not a performer. Not a DJ. Something else.
AVAILABLE CEREMONIES / BY OCCASION
A new app?
DEVICE/USER CALIBRATION.
The device is ready. The user may not be. FLR will assess the gap and report findings verbally.
A new building?
CEILING IS WATCHING CEREMONY.
The ceiling has already been watching. This ceremony acknowledges that fact in a formal setting.
A new brand?
BRAND FREQUENCY BATH.
The brand is submerged in its own frequency until it either clarifies or dissolves. Results vary.
A new restaurant?
RITUAL OF PREMATURE SATISFACTION.
Guests are satisfied before the food arrives. The food is then optional. Reservations still required.
A new CEO?
ADVERSARIAL COMMUNICATION DEVICE.
FLR will communicate with the new CEO using methods that have not been approved by HR.
A corporate merger?
THREE-BODY MODEL / THIRD THING CEREMONY.
Two companies become one. FLR arrives as the third thing. The third thing is not on the org chart.
A product nobody understands?
USER CALIBRATION REPORT.
FLR will attempt to understand the product. The attempt will be documented. Understanding is not guaranteed.
FLR has appeared at, is available for, and cannot be held responsible for the following:
ART & CULTURE
Art openings. Gallery receptions. Museum after-hours. Artist talks. Museum installations. Biennials. Design conferences. Creative conferences. Architecture events.
COMMERCE & LAUNCH
Brand launches. Product launches. Fashion shows. Pop-up shops. Retail openings. Grand openings. Book launches. Record-release parties.
CORPORATE & INSTITUTIONAL
Corporate parties. Company retreats. Team-building events — preferably against the wishes of HR. Holiday parties. Award ceremonies. Office openings. Office closings. Corporate wellness days. Employee appreciation days.
MILESTONES & CEREMONIES
Weddings. Rehearsal dinners. Birthday parties. Milestone birthdays. Retirement parties. Graduations. Reunions. Fundraisers. Charity galas. Benefits.
CONFERENCES & GATHERINGS
Technology conferences. AI conferences. Advertising industry parties. Trade shows. Conventions. Startup events. Venture-capital gatherings. Networking events. Chamber-of-commerce events — especially funny. Political conventions — as a completely nonpolitical anomalous presence.
CULTURE & COMMUNITY
Music festivals. Concerts. Experimental performance festivals. Immersive theater. Burning Man–type gatherings. Maker fairs. Craft fairs. Street fairs. Night markets. Farmers markets. Neighborhood festivals.
WELLNESS & SPIRITUAL
Alternative wellness events. Meditation gatherings. Spiritual retreats. Wellness conferences. Yoga events — though FLR should probably refuse to stretch. Digital-detox events.
MEDIA & PRODUCTION
Photo shoots. Commercial shoots. Music videos. Film sets. Podcast recordings. Press events. Media previews. VIP receptions. Influencer events.
UNUSUAL & UNCLASSIFIED
Secret parties. Mystery events. Unusual entertainment bookings. Events where the organizer says: We don't really know what we want, but we want something people will remember.
INQUIRY / OPEN
TO INQUIRE ABOUT A CEREMONIAL APPEARANCE:
Describe the event. Describe what you think you need. FLR will determine what is actually required.